I made my cousin cheat on his girlfriend

Dear diary, it's me again, to tell you how dirty are my thoughts when it comes to my cousin... I feel so alone sometimes and I love the way he stares at me.. ugh, that sucks.. I mean.. how am I supposed to tell him I want to have a taste of his dick? Why is he dating that girl? She is cool.. but.. she is sticking my situation.. Sometimes I feel like I have to pretend she doesn’t exists to try something out.. I mean, they are not even seeing each other on this quarantine.. I think I have my shot.. so I have to prepare myself to tell him how hard I need his help to cum.